


The Long, Long Longboat

by Olofa



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Funny, Gen, Silly, Vikings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 14:35:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21459649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olofa/pseuds/Olofa
Summary: Elsa Winterwolf is trying to run a serious Viking raid on the Saxons, but her sister Anna The Red has a clever idea. Narrator: It was not a clever idea
Relationships: Anna & Elsa (Disney)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	The Long, Long Longboat

**Author's Note:**

> Hat tip to @fozziwazxi on Tumblr for the prompt.

The Norse encampment stood at the edge of Arendelle’s rocky shore, in the mists and slate-grey light of early morning. Their leader, hight Elsa Snowcrown, Elsa Winterwolf, Elsa Bringer Of Tears, stood before their dragon-crowned longship as the blue-green seawaters crashed against the rocks behind her.

An iron helm failed to hide the glory of her blond hair, gently moving in the morning breeze as she strode back and forth, summoning her Norsemen. They gathered before her as she said, “Warriors! Vikings! Today we face the Saxons to claim our property and our honour! Danger and glory lie before us, cowardice behind! Come, Norsemen, seize your spears and seize your destiny. Valhalla becons! Rise from your beds, stand like heroes, and WHAT THE HEL IS THAT?”

Her sister-warrior approached, hight Anna Sea-Eyes, Anna The Red, Anna Berserker-Pants. She was clad as a proper Norse warrior in hide and bearskin, except for her head. She wore a helm, but fastened to it were two horns, curving upwards.

“What the Hel is what?” she asked, grinning proudly.

Elsa took off her own helm so she could facepalm properly. “Your helmet. What are those…things…on your helmet?”

“They’re horns.”

Elsa huffed angrily. “I can see that.”

“Do you like them?” Anna asked sweetly.

“Do I like them? Do I… NO! I do not! Do you mean to sneak up on the Saxons disguised as a cow?”

Anna scoffed. “No, of course not, silly.”

Elsa turned away and spoke to the heavens. “Odin All-Father, Odin The Wise, Odin whose ravens Thought and Memory bring you knowledge from all the world, perhaps you are clever enough to explain to me how my sister Anna Cow-Head can come out here with _horns_ attached to her helm and** I’m the silly one?**” She turned back to Anna. Too-sweetly she asked, “_Why_ are there horns on your helmet?”

“I’m so glad you asked.” As Elsa rolled her eyes, Anna explained. “Suppose we’re fighting the Saxons. Well, I mean we _are_ fighting them, obviously. But imagine. I’m heading back to the longship, arms full of war-spoils. Then a Saxon comes at me. What do I do? Drop my stuff and grab my sword? Too late. But this way, I just lower my head at them and poke them in the stomach. Problem solved!”

Anna stood proudly before her unimpressed sister. Her face impassive, Elsa flicked out with her sword and tapped one of the horns, knocking Anna’s helmet off her head. Anna picked it up and put it back on, saying, “Well, obviously I’m still working on –” Elsa’s sword flashed again and slapped the other horn, knocking the helmet off to the other side. Anna bent down for her helmet again. “It’s a good idea in principle, I just need –” As Anna stood, Elsa reached out. With her thumb and forefinger she gently held the tip of one horn and pulled down. The helmet skewed sideways, blocking Anna’s vision. 

Elsa sighed. “Leverage, Anna The Too-Clever-For-Her-Own-Good. Leverage. The only way one of those horns will bring down a foe is if you fill it with mead and get them falling-down drunk. Now go take those things off and hurry back. We leave with the tide.” As Anna left, Elsa returned her attention to the rest of her crew. “Warriors! We – hold on, where’s Kristoff?”

She heard a voice coming from behind. “Elsa! I had a great idea!” She turned to see him standing proudly, dressed for battle, with a narwhal tusk jutting upward from his helm.

Elsa slapped her forehead, then slid her hand down to cover her eyes. “This is gonna be a _long_ trip.”


End file.
